The Art of letting go

Each year around the holiday season, I find myself reflecting all I have experienced. I have learned some incredible lessons of life. I have met and made new friends. But I have also had to do some inner house cleaning of my soul and that is: Letting Go.

Letting Go for me as an ordinary person was the most difficult thing I had to learn to do.
Whether it be past negative habits, people we hang on to for various reasons, dead-end jobs, a sudden illness has struck us or someone we love, and having to take care of insurmountable responsibilities. Letting go of internal clutter cleans the way for new meanings, new adventures a change we are to move forward with our lives to continue being our true selves. Attaining inner peace.

In my current book, Naked Leaves, I am writing poetry expressing feelings of joy, loss, anger, enthusiasm, and celebration of the various relationships. I have also included letting go of those I have come to love whether friend, parent or lover. The book was an emotional ride for me to write and I welcomed all the emotions putting it together. I held on to the manuscript for 9 years because “it wasn’t time” to let it go and be with the world. So I nurtured it like a parent to a child, reading and rereading, editing, cuddling it loving it. I watched this book grow inside me. My observations of life experiences along with those I have met intertwined and gently painted in a abstract flow of colored words on to the page. But I felt a few pieces missing, something wasn’t right with it. I just couldn’t put my finger to it, not yet. I had to experience one more thing….letting go of making this book happen so I can moving on. 

So as months went by I had my experience of letting go of people I truly love that have been in my heart. One for several decades, another for several years, and last, one I loved so much I fell ill for months not knowing when my next breath was coming. I felt each time I let go, it was as if a part of me died too. And it did. I died along with their memories. And I hurt so bad I cried for weeks and months. My friends did know how to react. You don’t look nor feel good. Though I wrote in my journal to God and the universe to send me a signal and that my angels surround me with love. I hugged my pillow each night I cried asking God forgiveness for what I have done. I felt so guilty. I couldn’t eat nor sleep.

But each day I awakened to be brave and believe all this is temporary. It shall pass. And that the sun rises for me with brightness of love as well as it sets with the stars to guide me with the kiss of grace. I had to let go because I have to move forward to continue my extraordinary journey of my life. No one can live my life but me and me alone. And that I was not wrong for doing this, it had to be done because I cannot allow myself to wait for outcomes from someone else. The answers of my life have to come through me. I am the navigator of my ship, as I am the painter of this canvas, this page.

Yes, I let go of several people in my life this year and pray for their journey. I continue to pray for my journey too because new adventures, people to meet , and lessons to experience await me. We can’t stay in one place and expect others to revolve around us nor we revolve around them. If we were meant to meet why should we question as to how long we will be together? We just take the ride of life and go with it, enjoying each other for as long as God and the universe sends us the message to go our separate ways. Yes, letting go is a hard task but a must. And taking the allotted time to nurture ourselves back to health from emotional realm varies from person to person. The lesson reveals itself later as we regain or bounce back transformed anew and in a much better space.

 
Was our investment with letting go of a person or situation necessary? Yes, just as much as we invested the time to be with them or be involved in a situation with no outcome insight. The choice of free will is ours.

We have our gains as well as our losses. Though we take our losses close to heart much more, why? Because we are afraid to accept rejection. Even if the situation didn’t favor us, we lingered for answer we were not going to get. Not at this given time. Fear and doubt share equal billing as the villains of stagnation to our progress of moving forward in our journey. So we let go because we’ve had enough. It’s not our fault. Our lives are taking different directions.

This year, my lessons learned were: 1. To continue give of myself without regrets. 2. To continue to love unconditionally and to accept the outcome of situations.3.Continue to believe that I am my own person and have the right to make choices as long as I am accountable for my own actions.
4. To continue regardless of what others think of me, I will not take it personally because I know myself. 5. To continue to accept you as you are without judgment and you accept me as I am, not what you want me to be, nor what I want you to be. 6. Acknowledge and accept letting go and continue to be grateful for living and surviving. And finally,

7. Continued belief that I know how to love and take care of myself and be brave in all I do.

A few months ago, my manuscript finally spoke to me….“Kat, take me as I am. You have done all you can for me….let me go. Let me share myself with others. And if they don’t like me, too bad for I know many will…and I love you for creating me.”
I adorned my manuscript with a cover, and off it left my hands now to be published.
I am ready to share this part of my life with you. I give this book to the universe, accept me as I am. I just want to share this with you.

I desire to share the nakedness of my emotions to the you, to the world because I have nothing to hide anymore. Nothing. I claim myself to be just me.
Now to me every day is a holiday, a surprise a new adventure a new gift. If I meet you, I welcome you. I have no expectations. Just desire you to be true to yourself, to me, to the rest of us as I am true to myself and with you.I welcome you, I am excited to know you. The journey of our life has its beginning and we can only enjoy the NOW. Let’s not anticipate how long just enjoy the moments shared. We all learn from each other.

And if you had to let go of some one or a standstill situation, I am truly sorry. You are hurting and not alone, but may feel alone at this time. Appreciate claiming ownership of yourself. You are beautiful through this turbulence. You are extraordinary. But don’t forget to be gentle with you. Give yourself credit for giving and know you did your best.

Love yourself and know you have loved someone even if your love was not returned. You know what love is. Take care of your heart in your quiet moments. All your chaos is temporary while self happiness will bring sweetness your soul. Learn to start over with optimism.

So one page ends and another begins..
The story of our journey, my journey, your journey continues with a new year.
May peace and love embrace you each day of your life.
May you heal your heart and soul so that you may receive all that
Is forthcoming.
May you appreciate the beauty that you truly are.
Live each moment as if it were your last day
on earth.
Until the next blog….
Be well…
And I do love you so much. (written 2009)