I am an Empath... So be it!

I haven't written a thing in a month. I have had no words to say, just dealing with my

feelings. Yes, my feelings, are all over the place like an abandoned animal left to fend

on its own to survive. And yet, I know this art of survival for several years now - because

I am still doing just that - surviving life. I feeling very sad I lost some EP friends - lots

without a goodbye. Those are the worst to get over because there hasn't been a finality

of any kind and I do yearn for finality.

To me finality means just that, a closing, an end - something finalized so we can all

move on. To you it may already mean that, but not so for me. There is something there

still lurking, wanting  to know still hanging on. But it's all one-sided to one, while  I, still

trapped in a vortex of not knowing how you feel and I can't get in touch with you to know

how you feel.

Those of you who are my friends here, know I care deeply how I feel about you. Each of

you hold a very special place in my heart - and I mean that with all the sincerity I have

left. I understand  we all go our separate ways when the time when our ride comes to a

halt. But I don't make that decision, no. I suppose fate has something to do with it. But I

don't look never for the end of the ride. Not when it comes to friendship. I have lost

loved ones by death - that to me is closure on the physical realm, not the spiritual

 factors... because the feelings move to cherished memories and they linger and are

with you till you die. That, I fully understand. But what I don't understand is this one-sided closure, which to me is a bit selfish. Consider all that we have shared as friends

and that I can say if I did anything to upset you, I am woman enough to say I was wrong.

But I wasn't wrong in anything I did. I meant no harm to you nor anyone. To that, I

cannot understand the meaning of this closure - if it is one, I really want to know. I want

you to own up - have the sheer guts and just tell me.

As an empath, my feelings are much overwhelmed, too great for the average person to

deal with. If they had to deal with how I have been feeling - they'd go mad. One friend kindly said to me and I quote them... "If I left, I have died and I can't get a hold of you, that's the only way that you would never hear from me and know something is wrong."

Another friend mentioned: " anytime you invest in someone or something and its not returned sucks. Anytime you feel compassion and love and get rejected it rips your heart out. I meant rejected as in not getting back the feelings you feel right that moment."

I used these quotes as gems directly from friends who care about my well-being. I would say the same thing to them in so many words. I value what each of you say - and know all of us are different, and I respect that.

All I want is closure, finality to this haze I have been going through since a few days before Thanksgiving - November 27th 2014. I have been physically ill and haven't been able to recover. I feel sluggish but my pilot light inside me still burns but a dim of light.

I have been on and off here to reply to those who are my friends - and I owe that to you

because we have a lovely investment in each other. But I'm not the same person you met. I am so sad and I am barely holding up with the little strength I have. My heart is broken in a million pieces and I have no idea how to patch it up. I want to move forward,

but can't for I do want finality. If you have died, I can understand - but this is like a person missing in action or kidnapped and never heard from again... that kind of loss is

unbearable and hard to live with.

So please, if you are reading this and I know you can cause I can't get a hold of you,

reach out to me just one time and tell me. Give me some finality. I'm not asking for much. After all that we have invested in each other, to know and respect one another, do this for me and do this for yourself, for your heart.

This is from someone born on Valentine's day - such a sad day for me, for years now. I can't wait till that day is done and over with. I don't think I can take much more of this pain. It's just way too much. I just wanted you to know where I am and where I have been. This breather - has not been going well at all.

Published on EP 1/19/14 - as a blog, I am an Empath, I'd be heartbroken if I lost one of my EP friends.