Acceptance

I don't have to defend my feelings nor my worth to you

You don't have to belittle my spirit

I accept you for all that you are

though no matter what I do

is not good enough for you.

Spiritual connections cannot be explained

they just happened

but we met for a reason

to learn a lesson.

I go to bed I ask God for forgiveness

for my sins

I can go to bed with a clean slate

knowing I owned up to my faults

accept my flaws

and work so hard to try to make things better.

Maybe we had to go through all this

we had to...regardless of the outcome.

We just have to deal with it, individually.

Wish for the best for all involved without malice.

Leave, feeling you did your best

wish them love and well in their life.

Because you know who you are

and whether they love you or not.

Real life is can be way too cruel

This reminded me of a high school gal who graduated a year ahead of me

I wrote to her when she went to college, sort of pen pals .

she was very nice I thought at that time.

Then I went to college and we kept writing

on break during the holidays

Mom and I were coming out of a store

and I saw this gal with her mom

I said hello to her and she just walked right pass me as if she didn't know who I was

and mom and I were shocked

Then mom said

"Isn't that Lulu (not her real name) who you wrote to in high school and in college?"

I said yes

I turned around and kept calling her name

it was shocking and rude

and mom said

"and to think you took the time to write and be pen pals to be treated like that

I guess you know now she's not worth writing to. That was so rude.

I never imagine humans can be so cruel and to think someone doing that to you, Kat

I am sorry you had to go through that."

I said. "It's ok Mom, I just got a good taste of the real world."

Mom said

"Your world is much more cruel than mine ever was... she'll get what's coming to her."

I said "like what Mom?"

she said..."Karma, doesn't forget

neither does God."

I sat in the car and cried

Mom said

"The world will be cruel to the kind hearted

I am so thankful I raised one. Never changed, but be prepared to grow that thick skin

but keep your heart soft and guard your heart well."

I have developed that thick skin, and my heart  is still soft.

Yeah, real life can be way too cruel.

Keep your chin up.

I wish...

I wish I could take back all I said

I know I hurt you

which hurt me badly too.

But I felt I had to defend myself

my true self.

Even if I am in transition to better myself

I want you to know I will be the person you know

better than before.

I know wherever you are,

I know deep down, you want that for me, too.

Not a day will go by

that I will think about you

I wish you would think about me too

I want to see how strong I can be

so you can be proud of me

as I am proud of you.

No matter where I go what I do

whom I meet

I will always wonder

the look on your face

meeting you

face to face.

God, help me

I miss you so fucking much.

that I wonder, if you miss me, too.

I love you.

A miss, I shall not Forget (Poem)

I am here with my thoughts

contemplating peace

in wonder

somewhere in my mind

once confused

now amused by the peace in my heart

keeps missing you

where ever you are

our communication is missed

with a kiss of kindness

covered by clouds of gray

let it rain to wash the tears we once had

let sun take over let it shine

life to short for such petty

as it warms our soul with joy

the memories of you will always bring a song

that only I could sing

a song only the birds can hear

and understand the way I feel for you

still close to me the tune lingers

your words embossed in my heart

with a touch of grace

a miss I shall not forget.