Some Regrets

Some regrets

this time in my life

I just have to keep moving on.

I think of you

oh every now and then

at times of what we've could have been.

Some regrets

See your face in places we use to go

Wonder do I ever cross your mind?

Sad you see

has been my life

with all my struggles and strives.

It's just this stillness of time

thoughts of you run through my mind

Where did we go so wrong?

Memories come and go

every time I listen to the radio

playing our favorite song...singing

"Hold me, don't let me go"...

But you've gone

to someone else

and I am left 

with some, regrets.

Gently, Tell me (written 2007)

There is an ache in my heart
where it once fluttered
there are tears
distorting the vision of your face
there is a coldness, a frostbite that won’t heal
where deep emotions existed and surrounded me with warmth.

Yet,
there is a distance between us that could benefit us both
benefit by way of healing, for solitude is a great re-juvenator
to our individualism.

Yet,
I am lost without words
I wait patiently
for my silence alone is not enough to sustain
the deep absence I have of you in my heart
where my spirit still hopes and yearns.

Yet,
I only wish you to heal in hopes that you recognize
how much you mean to me and if you wanted to see me
it can be done only if you are interested
for this will not work one sided
it will take both our effort to evolve
from this intrigue for each other, very slowly,
for I have not felt such joy ring and shake me so greatly.

Now,
I feel almost lost searching for your letters
in an empty mailbox or rereading the notes we so freely
passed between us, I don’t want that to end.
I only wish you well and I cannot and have not lied
of how I have felt about you.

So please,
if you are not in the least bit
interested in me romantically
be so kind to gently tell me,
this way I can stop being a fool
swept away with this aura of love
this beautiful intrigue
and be left alone to cry and tug my heart
to stop playing that sweet, sweet song
that has moved me so.

Personally,
it will take me
a long time to recover
from something so close to love
that I sincerely doubt if I can ever
pen up a feeling similar to this again.

Brittle (Poem)

Today,

 I am brittle. an eggshell.

I am silent in my world of noise

feeling the rise of pain

costing my health to weaken

how much more can I take

when I want no more?

where are the ears to listen

when I wish them to be around?

It is painfully lonely

when others think you've got it all together

not realizing - you can break just as easily as them.

I don't ask for much

but when in time of need

again I cross the finish line

and everyone's gone home.

the streets are bare

as if I was the last human on earth.

Oh God, hear me!

I just want to sleep.

Wish you Were Here,I'm Heartbroken

I wish you were here. I miss talking to you,
we took the time to know each other, we connected so well.
I wish you were here. I'm making the best of things,
even when the outcome is unknown.
I wish you were here. How I need to hear your voice in words, your feelings
a sound of wisdom, reasoning in my ear,
the thoughts in my heart.
I wish you were here, to listen to me, for me to listen to you
when no one is around,  just we two.
I wish you were here, to catch me, for me to catch you,
when we are falling  and  why?
we don't need to be this way, really?
and I'm torn, you're torn, so tired are we
Damn, I... wish you were, here.
I miss you so,
don't you miss me, too?

I Have Had My Heart Broken

Love Comes, and Love Goes

What makes people you thought you knew once, now strangers? What has time done? What is the lesson to learn?
Lately I have retreated as a hermit to heal my broken heart. While shocked by the sudden impact of a well rehearsed pattern of confusion, this confused me. The tie that once bounded us together, somehow got lost in a pattern of knots. I can't untie someone else's knots, I have my own to untie. But as not to complicate my moment of disillusion, I only want to simplify all I have experienced, solemn peaceful and alone I can only heal my part that is broken.
There are no words of comfort for many of us react so differently to a 'break up' or a disengagement or a departure of one we once loved. Even though they are alive, it is a death and a part of me seems to go with it. True I speak from my heart and it is my heart that I am speaking from. I'm not ashamed, why should I? As hard as this outcome has been for me, you too, once have experienced this closure, this departure, this detachment…of a love that is now, gone.
I do remain faithful to being naked with my feelings as I do with all my writings because that is the only way I can express myself to you reading this. Yes, I do love to write late into the night because it's quite. The night is peaceful and my words are calm just as I am, and just as sensitive, I am being true to myself.


Many of my friends here have ventured to glorious gains in love and for that I commend you and wish you the best. As for those of us sweeping up the tears or the questions on the floor as to where it went wrong? I sweep the answers if any too.
But I have no answers. I have all I have ever wanted out of one I once loved, late, but got the truth. Regardless of the outcome, the truth is all I wanted. This could take weeks, months even years for some. Though many of us remain haunted by never knowing what was true and have had to make the healing journey alone. I can only remain consistent with myself. I have to enjoy my life even when the challenges are faced with emotional hardship of losing someone I have loved. The pain comes and goes.
Memories are reminded by time during the longest of days and nights. The thought of keeping extra busy makes me nauseous for I just want to rest. We all heal differently, so I will be calm and withdraw just a bit. Perhaps, to learn another life's lesson and to further understand why we meet people only to not really know them as we leave them. The return of strangers is strange to me, for my memory is long.
Though I will keep the pleasant times with me and slowly discard sweeping the anger, the disappointment off the floor and throw it away. I don't need the garbage. I don't want to hoarder the past with garbage. I am cleaning my inner house, taking care of me. I wish you well in cleaning yours. For it is said, it is wonderful to have loved, than not have loved at all. I will mend gratefully and let go slowly my disappointment of loss love. Take the risk again when I feel I'm ready. Be well.
I love you.