Door Closes, Another Door Opens...

Our friendship broke up. I had to end it. I was falling in love with a ghost

and I couldn't do that. She was too anonymous online. She was beautiful. Her energy compelled me to write about love and being in love. Something I miss very much.

We connected through our words and they were lovely. We were drawn to each other

and still to this writing. I desire her, but I can't have her. I love her. To me, she was my soul mate.

She will be the closest person I will have said to be my soul mate. Even though we have never met in person, her impact on my life compelled me to be a better person. She believed in me and desired for me to continue with believing in myself and never give up. With that belief, I am a better person.

I am moving forward with hurt. An ache unbearable in my heart to wear, but  for a bit.

I know what I have to do and ready to achieve. I wish for the best despite of the challenges that come to me. But it's time to stay strong and be the individual  I need to be, to manifest my dreams.

 I don't know if I will ever see her again. I know she's hurting, I can feel her connection.

She taught me to be not to be so hard on myself and be gentle with my words. I am working on this.

we both needed this  distance to breathe and be ourselves because at times, we were lost with each other.

but for now I couldn't  hold on to her. I had to let her go. I love her so much, it aches. My heart is aching and loving me at the same time, beautifully.  To know I can make it on my own. I wish for her to be proud of me as I am to myself. I wish her the same, with all the love in my heart. I am grateful to have known her.

People will come and go into your life to make a connection how long the connection is unknown. Yet we learn the reasons why along the way or when the connection needs maintenance.

I initiated, and take full responsibility for breaking  this friendship and it hurts me badly.

I wish I could take it back, but I won't, I promised to achieve my personal goals alone.

I wouldn't want to be depended on other people. I want them to know I can do  this with

all my soul. I know they wish me well and I am grateful to hear.

the unknown is scary and exciting, with that said, I am looking forward to this new beginning whatever it will be. Staying strong in will. Perseverance  and rest is at hand.

The goal is set and I am ready to move ahead. I surrender  to it with love and truth.

Because truth and love, is all there is.

I love you.

In My Thoughts Into My Words

The day I met you
Seems like you fell out of the sky
you are here
in my thoughts
into my words
on the page,
to make our day better than yesterday.
The phrases dance a tango
of intrigue between us
a lovely connection
I've only touched to describe
as I'm still getting to know you.
So we fly from one place to another
in each other mind discover
amazing things from each other
that's good.

 The road of understanding
we've had to patch the potholes
of roughness to pave a smooth ride
like storms come and go
and the rain washes the hurt
to brighten up the way
to make our day better than yesterday.
When the evening shadows fall
and the end of each night
I see you in the stars twinkling
that's you up there so bright.

 A beauty you are
your presence, a song, a gift, a poem
my words my thoughts, my muse
I pray for your soul as I do for us all
not knowing what tomorrow
will bring,
Having faith that
may God make our day better
than yesterday.

 

Just So You Know (Poem)

Just So You Know
I don't care
if you come across crazy
I don't  care
If the sky is  a little hazy
I do care
that I'm drawn very much to you
Just so you know.

I don't care
if you got a third eye on your face
I don't care
how far you fell from jaded grace
I do care
to encourage you to pick yourself up
Just so you know.

Just so you know
you can hide, but for so long
I'll just keep knocking gently at your heart's door.
Just so you know.

I'll be here and I'm not going away
Please don't  you stray... from me.
I don't care
as long as I talk truth to you
I don't care
as long as I hear it from you
I do care
what we share, I'll stand by you, side by side
low ebb or high tide
Just so you know
Just so you know.

Photo Taken @ Ivy Creek Park

Kat Borges Photography 2016

She's Just, Rain - (Poem)

She catches you, off guard
        kisses falling from the sky above
she lets you know, she's coming
She's all love
She's just, rain.

Her scent is sweet
       like the Earth or Ocean breeze
when the sun shines or nightfall
       She'll soothe your deepest sleep
She's all love
She's just, rain.

She hides in gentle pain
       no one knows this rain
she's so mysterious
       yet, very curious
about you
she loves, you.

She'll wash away
       your fears
She'll kiss away
       your tears
all through your years
She's all love
She's just, rain.

She'll follow
       you around
She loves
       above the the ground
Sensitive girl, she's my world
She's love
She's just, rain.

Funny Sweet
       So sincere
Dances to her music
       she don't care
As long as she's with you
       your heart and soul
go insane
She's just, rain.

Here she comes, again
       Never, a fair weathered friend
She'll be with you
       till your life here, ends
You'll finally meet
       cause you love her
She's just, rain.

Droplets of love, my rain
kissing you, it's rain
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, rain.

Sometimes you just need a little rain to wash away... a few things in your life... let it go!

Conversations That Last All Night

 When talking to a friend there will be times a window is open due to mutual trust.We feel comfortable to share piece of ourselves to them because we've been invited to. With this honor, it is only respectable with great care and consideration, I return with respect and love, something deep to share with them. And the conversation can go all night. (the picture is of dawn I took a few weeks ago)

Tatts:  You are truly gifted, Sweet Kat

 

Kat: Thank you, Tatts. I think being gifted has been a hinder for me. Not many people like hanging with someone like me.  More for my talent than for me as a person.

Tatts: They misread you. So sad.

Kat:  Yes, I know I have often been misread. That I know well. I suppose that's why I'm still single.

Tatts: You must have been very vibrant and bubbly.

Kat: In a way, I still am very much like that. I heard that yesterday at a going away gathering I had.

Tatts:  You are still very vibrant.

Kat: The only thing that changes is your body gets older... and if one accepts the changes... you can grow older gracefully. And some of us look good well. I know I do and I'm happy for that. lol

Tatts: Yes. I agree. You are very different from the girls I know here.

Kat: Thank you. Well, yeah I know I am very different for sure. I never wanted to be like other people. That's the beauty of being an individual... being truly you.

Tatts: So correct, Sweetie

Tatts: I guess you can't keep up any more, Sweetie.

Kat: You know all through the years I see the same complaints with people saying they really want a nice person for a relationship.... but fool around with extreme naughty people that just want to play and are not relationship material at all or they are in between relationships. They never tell you what they want and leave you hanging. They say one thing and want something else.
I was never into mind games. And I won't settle for just anyone either.

Tatts: The sincere ones are very very rare to find, Sweet Kat

 Kat: You got that right. That's why I'm alone.

Tatts: You know. The girl I share accommodation with... we have an open relationship. It's two years and a bit. I know one day it will be over. I know she is into others. it's so hard.

Kats: making tea

Tatts:  Alright

Kat: Yeah it must be hard for you. I couldn't do it (open relationship). I'm so fucking loyal - even to myself. I respect relationships of all kinds. When I come across someone that's in a relationship and they want to fool around with me, I question their devotion, their loyalty... and I'm like, No way.

Tatts: You don't know all about me, Kat.

Tatts: While reading this thread from the start, a friend stumbled on that info. He sent a pm regretting what I had faced when 17.

Kat: Likewise you don't know all about me either. But what I have shared I have conveyed with sincerity. There has been way more hardship before the cancer, before sister's suicide.
as we get to know each other, we allow a bit more as time goes by. So I hope you get your PM.

Tatts: Must be very good. I won't write any more about myself. Sorry.

Tatts: Bad times in our lives. Alas.

Kat: I understand. I am not one to reveal on a public post. If one ask a question I will answer what I feel can be appropriate to me and to the one I am answering. If I feel it's too personal, there is PM for that. and I respect that. Most of my friendships from EP and now here were based on true sincerity within each other. It's nice to have good friendships and I remain extremely stubborn to the vow of loyalty.

Tatts: I lack the maturity you possess.

Kat:  well believe me when I tell you, maturity comes with age and experience. Maturity comes to all of us...at different times different situations. I relish that I am constantly maturing into a quirky wise woman. lol! You are an old soul, Tatts.

Much like I was at your age. I have a forever young heart and I can never change that. lol

Tatts: And I act on the little common sense I have.

Kat: And I am so glad you do have Common sense... I can tell and I like that in you, Tatts Sweetie.

Kat:  Common Sense is a precious valuable quality and rare this day and age. Selfless acts are rare than in my younger days. Consideration for others lacks so much now I am abhorred by the behavior of people.
If I had had a child, I know they would be loving respectable caring human beings because that is the way I am and live.

Tatts: I trust what you wrote here. I have battled odds since i was 17. Lost mom to cancer. Could not adjust to step mother. Moved out. Have been living like that. Letting my instincts guide me.

Kat:  And your instincts is exactly what you ought be going by, my love. You are doing the right thing in doing so. No matter what another may say, even myself can never change what you instincts can guide you, Now, if what a person says matches your instincts, you are in harmony - which is a lovely feeling in itself and rare.

Kat:  These are the conversations I like and admire to have with others on my post as well. I keep saying to people, if you want a Badabing bar, go open one up, I'll close the place and come over and play. But here ( my post) I like just plain fun and good conversation.

Tatts: I like myself

Kat:  And you should like yourself. I'm happy that you do, love. You can't like others if you don't like yourself.
I know I do. I say every morning... ok Kat, time for another adventure, be open, be nice and don't let the door slap you on your ass! lol!

Tatts:  I like myself for whatever I am.
I don't like the 17th birthday. But, I occupy myself with other things. I don't let the past bog me down. if somebody doesn't like me, I quietly move. No complaints.

Kat:  I too have no complaints...just frustrations.

Tatts: I am terrible at diplomacy. I speak up if I feel I should give an opinion. Else, I keep my mouth shut.

Tatts:  I felt you are fond of me. That you are straightforward.
That's why I wrote this much.

 Kat:  And I am very very fond of you, love.

Kat:  At 17. my father left home, had an affair. Left us and mom went back to NYC for a time. It was difficult hold the fort with Mom. I later Forgave my father after their divorce and we got along till his death... we made peace and I love and miss him.
But during that 17th year in my life, I saw a strong woman in mom and said to myself... I can never be like her...but now that I am where I am today. According to a friend I have known for over 30 years... she said. Kate as she calls me from our radio days... you are the strongest woman I know. The sweetest and kind human being, you have never let me or anyone down... your parents are looking at you, proudly. I hope things are better for you. You are family to me. I said thank you so much. That means lots from you.

Tatts: Your friend assessed you very well. Even from long distance, i get the same feeling about you. That's honest, Kat. Luv

Kat:  I have come to know that when responding to someone, they may not deserve your diplomacy. So it's ok if you responded they way you did or do. We all can apologize but there are many times you just got to say something without holding back. Being straightforward is an admired quality, love. I have noticed that very much.

Tatts: I salute you. Brave person.

Kat: Thank you, love. I am the same online as I am in person. No need to be another persona. God it's tough enough being me why should I spend my time being a fake..I don't understand some people.

Tatts: The me inside me tells me that, Kat.

Kat: and I salute you too, Tatts.

Tatts: I don't understand one bit about lots of people. Here as well as in real life. They seem to have a personality disorder. Fakeness. Two faced. Possibly even more than two faces. God!

Kat: Yes some people have multiple personalities...yikes!

Tatts: So true reflections of the realities. Lovely words. Lovely song.

 Kat: Not to say we were all ugly girls as the song may imply... though some of us had awkward situations... so we can relate from it one way or another.

 

Tatts: Exactly, Kat.

Kat:  glad you liked it

Tatts: Oh yes. Lovely.

Tatts: Loveliest written communication i have had with anybody in a long, long time.

Kat: Maybe it should be a blog. lol

Tatts: A grand two-way communication.
I often talk to my inner self this way.

Kat: I do have a blog. Gosh I need to write something soon. I have neglected that. lately. But I do have lots of poetry and other written works, photography and videos I have made over the years. It's nice to have a home to share, for others to read.

Tatts: That must be lovely, Kat

Kat: I write my inner self on the page a lot. lol Helps me make sense of myself, right?

Tatts: Mono-dialogue is my own word. lol

Oh and by the way the song we were discussing 

is just below