I am not what I use to be, I am better Person

Metamorphosis -- My New Life

I recently had to learn to accept myself
just the way I am;
this wasn’t easy.
I didn’t like myself much then
so I didn’t like the way I looked, and my self-worth
was just flushed down the toilet.
You can say I was hopeless,
at least I felt that way at the time.
It took me more than my faith in God
to bring me to this point in my life....
Yes, my faith in myself;
without that...Jesus couldn’t save me.
Due to this lack of faith in me
everything I believed in or I thought I believed in
went down a deep hole, a Well I kept saying, a hell.
I became my own demon
and if you knew me...I didn’t want to be bothered.
When I wanted out, I decided
but for ten long years...I lived in my misery
blaming everyone but myself.
I didn’t want pity...but I got it.
I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me...but they did.
I denied until it became a lifestyle...then I wanted more.
I attracted demons you cannot imagine...I was constantly haunted, pried
and sacrificed my own spirit...I had no self-honor
because I lacked faith in myself.
No preacher, no priest, no other soldier of God
no Bible, no religion, no denomination
could render the excommunication I had done to myself.
I made my Self the victim of all that is negative, violent, cruel and evil....
I was, and am, accountable for my actions.
Before the desire to get out of this Well came to me,
I was “bored “with my life
and I wanted to disappear forever and not come back.
I became a walking, talking, vegetable peeping out of a thin
shell of skin...full of anger and hating myself.
It took me many small steps and a desire to work
to know the truth
through every bit of negativity I had in me.

During the 10 month of therapy
I dug deep in the core of my heart to find the answer to
what is believing in one’s self
and what is having faith in one’s self.
When the answers came, they came from this core;
I felt my spirit come back.
I sensed a deep love for myself, I felt forgiving, free
and felt God whisper in my ear,
“Only you know the journey it takes to have faith in you.
You must learn to find your way. Don’t let any human tell you
different. You each beat to a distinctive rhythm,
that is why each of you is a dance, so unique.”

Today, I go my own way and create beautiful things.
Today, I believe in myself, because God created me.
Today, I am forever grateful not so much to God
but to myself because I learned to know myself
and to know that God never left my sight.
I had made the choice to believe,
to know God was there at every step I took
and is with me here, right now, in this moment with you;
and so, from this wondrous journey, this metamorphosis,
I claim today to be my miracle for living.