I Wish I Could Tell You Everything

I wish I can tell you everything. I wish I was strong
but my heart is weak and I can't take the beaten
anymore. I know I can love, but whom?
I have taken too many risks that my recovery time
is not like it use to be. It hurts more
and  the pain is so great, I would rather want to die.
cause I'm not afraid to die, I will welcome it
for I am tired some times of fighting
and here comes faith knocking at my door
the bitch won't leave me alone...Damn!
She rasps my door like the reaper... that jerk
he can kiss my a$$!
My best friend is gone. she died five years ago.
and I have no one that can vouch for me
and I have to start my life over again for the umpteenth time
and I'm tired, so tired.
Tired of people telling me stupid things that I already know
and you don't want to hear them
you just want them to gently go away... because
even though they mean well, it hurts me more...get it!
So stop it.. leave me alone
 to fix myself as I've always done.
Some things you just can't change
some things you don't want to change
some things don't need changing
they just need to be... re-arranged.
So while it may seem funny that I act
so stupid and naive and like a child
well it is the child in me coming out
saying... I'm hurt damn it, let me hurt
for a while...
days like today, I wish my parents were around
my pop would say some stupid joke
and my mom would give the best hugs in the world
God, I'd take them both right now
a stupid joke and that sweet hug...
maybe that tissue from my best friend
saying... you'll be better when you let it all out.
So I wish I could tell you everything
even when I am strong
but I can't take the beaten
my heart has taken, anymore.