Door Closes, Another Door Opens...

Our friendship broke up. I had to end it. I was falling in love with a ghost

and I couldn't do that. She was too anonymous online. She was beautiful. Her energy compelled me to write about love and being in love. Something I miss very much.

We connected through our words and they were lovely. We were drawn to each other

and still to this writing. I desire her, but I can't have her. I love her. To me, she was my soul mate.

She will be the closest person I will have said to be my soul mate. Even though we have never met in person, her impact on my life compelled me to be a better person. She believed in me and desired for me to continue with believing in myself and never give up. With that belief, I am a better person.

I am moving forward with hurt. An ache unbearable in my heart to wear, but  for a bit.

I know what I have to do and ready to achieve. I wish for the best despite of the challenges that come to me. But it's time to stay strong and be the individual  I need to be, to manifest my dreams.

 I don't know if I will ever see her again. I know she's hurting, I can feel her connection.

She taught me to be not to be so hard on myself and be gentle with my words. I am working on this.

we both needed this  distance to breathe and be ourselves because at times, we were lost with each other.

but for now I couldn't  hold on to her. I had to let her go. I love her so much, it aches. My heart is aching and loving me at the same time, beautifully.  To know I can make it on my own. I wish for her to be proud of me as I am to myself. I wish her the same, with all the love in my heart. I am grateful to have known her.

People will come and go into your life to make a connection how long the connection is unknown. Yet we learn the reasons why along the way or when the connection needs maintenance.

I initiated, and take full responsibility for breaking  this friendship and it hurts me badly.

I wish I could take it back, but I won't, I promised to achieve my personal goals alone.

I wouldn't want to be depended on other people. I want them to know I can do  this with

all my soul. I know they wish me well and I am grateful to hear.

the unknown is scary and exciting, with that said, I am looking forward to this new beginning whatever it will be. Staying strong in will. Perseverance  and rest is at hand.

The goal is set and I am ready to move ahead. I surrender  to it with love and truth.

Because truth and love, is all there is.

I love you.

I wish...

I wish I could take back all I said

I know I hurt you

which hurt me badly too.

But I felt I had to defend myself

my true self.

Even if I am in transition to better myself

I want you to know I will be the person you know

better than before.

I know wherever you are,

I know deep down, you want that for me, too.

Not a day will go by

that I will think about you

I wish you would think about me too

I want to see how strong I can be

so you can be proud of me

as I am proud of you.

No matter where I go what I do

whom I meet

I will always wonder

the look on your face

meeting you

face to face.

God, help me

I miss you so fucking much.

that I wonder, if you miss me, too.

I love you.

In My Thoughts Into My Words

The day I met you
Seems like you fell out of the sky
you are here
in my thoughts
into my words
on the page,
to make our day better than yesterday.
The phrases dance a tango
of intrigue between us
a lovely connection
I've only touched to describe
as I'm still getting to know you.
So we fly from one place to another
in each other mind discover
amazing things from each other
that's good.

 The road of understanding
we've had to patch the potholes
of roughness to pave a smooth ride
like storms come and go
and the rain washes the hurt
to brighten up the way
to make our day better than yesterday.
When the evening shadows fall
and the end of each night
I see you in the stars twinkling
that's you up there so bright.

 A beauty you are
your presence, a song, a gift, a poem
my words my thoughts, my muse
I pray for your soul as I do for us all
not knowing what tomorrow
will bring,
Having faith that
may God make our day better
than yesterday.

 

Beauty of Her Own Mystery

She a beauty of her own mystery
you want to know her more
but won't leave her comfort zone
you have to accept her as she is.
when I ask her something
she pauses, may not answer
maybe I have violated lines
only to exacerbate feelings
a roaring thunderstorm in her
no intention to hurt
but it does
and that makes us blue,
so we ride the storm
with apologies
forgiveness and understanding
we are worth knowing
as friends do.
She has all the wonders of a sweet soul
that rides the clouds of calm
in the bluest of skies
just like her eyes
if I can only see because I am blind
Right now she retreats in the stillness
of her mind
regain her strength
her compassion
her will to journey on
and I am still in awe of her
all that she is, all that she will be
even when she thinks less of herself
I will always be
in awe of the beauty
of her mystery.

Spirit of a Woman

A ghost invitingly appears to me
daily
speaks to me, with words so sweetly
She soothes this turbulence of my heart.
she stirs calmness to my soul
yet, I try to reach out to her
but she is so far away
I can only cry for her
in my sleep.
If,
and I say, If
she only knew how deep I have fallen
in this ocean of love for her
I am drowning for her, near death
Yet, she keeps alive.
Though
She is only a dream set fire to my soul
I cannot reach her, I cannot see her
she only exist in thousand pages
I have written, just for her
through my years of solitude.
In those pages, I tell her everything
where I have been, what I have done
where I'm going and when I think of her.
Nightly affirmations I send
because
she's must be an angel
an angel
I cannot see, I cannot hear, I cannot touch.
An excruciating love pain
buried within me
she's a living memory
she is a haunting lover
a ghost to me.
I so wish, she were alive
in front of me.
As loving as she is, she tortures me
with this love, I have only, for her.
This invisible, spirit of a woman.

Some Regrets

Some regrets

this time in my life

I just have to keep moving on.

I think of you

oh every now and then

at times of what we've could have been.

Some regrets

See your face in places we use to go

Wonder do I ever cross your mind?

Sad you see

has been my life

with all my struggles and strives.

It's just this stillness of time

thoughts of you run through my mind

Where did we go so wrong?

Memories come and go

every time I listen to the radio

playing our favorite song...singing

"Hold me, don't let me go"...

But you've gone

to someone else

and I am left 

with some, regrets.

Who's The Grown Up Between Us Two (Poem)

Sometimes you lose to gain something new

a lesson to learn and we've learned quite a few

but what you've lost may not be regain

as time is the factor, time is the main.

Someone's wrong can be someone's right

and what looks ahead is not a pleasant sight

for all involved, a circle of storms

mixed together like a bag of worms

mixed together like a bag of worms.

You live in your truth and you are misunderstood

for things you believe, say are good

but some take differently to what you say

they don't think of it as good but more a betray.

So you try and try to explain yourself

but no one listens when anger instills

yet they judge without, hearing your words

and they are just words, words unheard

they are just words, words unheard.

And pain creeps in and surround you

for you meant no harm, but its harmed you

emotionally physically this pain envelopes you

something has died inside with all you're going through.

When you don't read and understand both sides of one

you judge what is wrong without really knowing the one

the reason why they did, what they've done

instead you judge them harshly

sentenced  a friendship, out to be hung.

sentence a friendship, out to be hung.

If you feel I mistrusted you why don't you tell me

why do you hide, why you disown me

is it because your feelings got the best of you

why don't you share what's really inside you?

why don't you own up to what truly

is making you blue?

If  you don't care to listen to whatever I have to say

your way is to disengage doesn't help

while I breathe for peace and a better day

the gift of forgiveness is at play

the gift of forgiveness is at play.

My door is left open while yours is closed

who holds the cards, who has fold-ed

if you value friendship as I do to you

who's the grown up between us two

who 's the grown up between us two.