False Bravado (Poem)

Tried everything I could

to rid you off my mind

but my heart kept sending me messages

to try to reach you

to find some answers to where I stood with you

the only way for me to move on.

Yet when I found you

you wondered how I found you

instead of asking me how I was

all the time I have wanted to know how you were

yes, you do give a cold shoulder

a doubt, I expected as it's been a while.

You act as if you've moved on... but I find it hard to believe

after all we have shared between us.

You once told me you never wanted to hurt me

Yet  I feel you think you did

but I don't feel that way at all

You say our friendship depends on how I make amends with another

I said friends don't come in packages.

For you are a lovely package to know, wrapped up tightly to pry open now

when I want a simple answer

and I get you're tired of cartwheels... well I'm tired of watching you do them

I try to keep a smile but hide my tears

but I am bewildered - as you talk a good nature way about you

but deep inside I see a sweet scared little girl

hidden in a lovely palace room having it all

yet missing always something...

what is it you might say

I say a deep connection with someone - you won't admit

yet so many have fallen for you because you have a charm,

a way about you

so irresistible... nothing satisfies you

though you say that you are...

I once traveled to a  secret passage, way to your soul

was open to me just enough to wander in

and in it I found an indescribable love I cherish

a mutual nurturing only you and I shared

and to think we treat each other like respectable strangers now

all the while I wanted more but couldn't have being respectful

yet settled to be just a loving friend.

The door to your secret passage was abruptly closed

one day unbeknownst to me

and  I wondered lost like a child in the forest

to find my way back, back to you

So now the question had me pondering

that is why I had to find you - doing I hope well

and I can't tell you enough from my heart

how much I have missed you

and wanting so much to know, if you missed me too?

yet no answer, the cold shoulder continues

and you swear you don't project that... but to me, you do

I just want to know

do you really wish for me to hate you?

do you really wish for me to dislike you?

because it is so much easier to get over someone

that way...isn't it? Maybe for you, love.

But for me, I wasn't made that way... no not that way at all.

and you know this - you know this very well.

You are hurt, darling and I feel it

and I am sorry I have disappointed you. You won't talk about it.

Why won't you accept me

as you say you accept others for all that they are?

I wish to understand, I do.

Yet, we continue to hide behind a false bravado.