The Heart Speaks (Poem)

I speak from my heart
and while I reveal my vulnerability
and not hide behind anything,
I can share with you, all that I am.
You may not be that way
you may still hide or guard yourself
in some way from fear of getting hurt.
I understand that, too well.

But if you have come to know me,
I will say,
I have to take risks in sailing alone
to discover certain treasures you hold
and guard your heart close to mine
and if you are in pain.
I will hear you
and if I cannot help you alone,
I will seek assistance from another
I hold as dear as you
to assist me, to assist you
as I feel we are all here,
to help each other
care and nurture each other
with understanding.

If you fail to accept assistance
from one who holds
your heart of much value,
then you may need to let go
and come accept the kindness
and concern shown to you, and welcome this,
for I, am true to love...
never to deceive you
never turn my back to you.

If by chance you feel
this has been a deception
perhaps you have generalized this
with  misunderstanding
something still instilled from past misfortunes
of those that have hurt you...
if so, then you haven't allowed to accept me
or know,  all that I truly am -
 a loving kind human being.

And if I have hurt you so, I am truly sorry
I am so sorry for what I felt was kind hearted
and totally loving towards you.
My door remains open
as I wish you inner peace.

The lesson learned here is
that I remain to keep my kind hearted self  -
go through the pain of losing someone I love
because my act of kindness
has a different interpretation, than its true intention.

As I searched in my heart for months
of where to locate and understand
my wrong doing, I cannot find it.
Yet, I  am strong enough to apologize,
for my act of kindness.
I love you, I do.

Being an Empath

I took this pic a few years ago. I call it the hand of God
or whoever your higher being you believe. Just look at the
cloud... a giant hand holding... holding you, holding me up.
What a sight it was to capture... still brings tears to my eyes.
I wanted to share with you and tell you how much you
mean to me.
I work in a program to help people 55+ over who are Homeless almost homeless, criminal records, low income, low job prospects, veterans, disabled or with a disability - like me. I assist in enrolling them. Once they are accepted, I set an employment plan for each of them. Some come from rural areas I have yet to venture. I assign them a non- profit placement to learn a new skill and we get paid $ 7.25 an hour 24 hour a week. It's Government funded for each person for a 4 year lifetime. The purpose of the program is for the individual to re-brand themselves in a now ageist society to find a job. Most of us are in it - just to make medical insurance payments cause we're still too young to earn Social Security... some have never gotten their high school diploma and I see to it that they can attain a GED so they can earn a living wage.
Some have never had to work until their spouse has died, leaving them with nothing. Some have worked in a job for over 35 years , get hurt and all is lost. And some don't know how to use the computer - never had to until now. I see that they get to classes, workshops and job fairs. I hear their stories 5 days a week. I know the hardship and I am over flowed overwhelmed with emotions - wish I could help them all. I cry with tears of accomplishment. Because I have listened... As I am one of them, too. I may not have much, many of us had to sell our personal belongings for food or pay a bill. To shake their hand or give them a hug... is so overwhelmingly beautiful... I am Speechless. And we have to have internet because all applications are now online. What you have I hope you are truly grateful... because I do not wish this on anyone - ever. I know all is temporary and for the time I spend with them I give my all for them to believe optimistically that things will get better as I look in their sad eyes of defeat... I'd say... I know I have been there and still going through it. Please believe you can get through this and we will be ok. I can't promise you a job, but I will give you the information you need to survive. Some shake my hand, some hug me as if I were an angel...but I'm not an angel, I am just like them. I want a job too. I'm getting by,  I am, we are still alive. Be grateful for what you have - you will never know that in one blink of an eye - all can be lost.
I picked this song- as a healing element -  as it says so much coming from this old heart of mine... I love you. I do, so very much.

False Bravado (Poem)

Tried everything I could

to rid you off my mind

but my heart kept sending me messages

to try to reach you

to find some answers to where I stood with you

the only way for me to move on.

Yet when I found you

you wondered how I found you

instead of asking me how I was

all the time I have wanted to know how you were

yes, you do give a cold shoulder

a doubt, I expected as it's been a while.

You act as if you've moved on... but I find it hard to believe

after all we have shared between us.

You once told me you never wanted to hurt me

Yet  I feel you think you did

but I don't feel that way at all

You say our friendship depends on how I make amends with another

I said friends don't come in packages.

For you are a lovely package to know, wrapped up tightly to pry open now

when I want a simple answer

and I get you're tired of cartwheels... well I'm tired of watching you do them

I try to keep a smile but hide my tears

but I am bewildered - as you talk a good nature way about you

but deep inside I see a sweet scared little girl

hidden in a lovely palace room having it all

yet missing always something...

what is it you might say

I say a deep connection with someone - you won't admit

yet so many have fallen for you because you have a charm,

a way about you

so irresistible... nothing satisfies you

though you say that you are...

I once traveled to a  secret passage, way to your soul

was open to me just enough to wander in

and in it I found an indescribable love I cherish

a mutual nurturing only you and I shared

and to think we treat each other like respectable strangers now

all the while I wanted more but couldn't have being respectful

yet settled to be just a loving friend.

The door to your secret passage was abruptly closed

one day unbeknownst to me

and  I wondered lost like a child in the forest

to find my way back, back to you

So now the question had me pondering

that is why I had to find you - doing I hope well

and I can't tell you enough from my heart

how much I have missed you

and wanting so much to know, if you missed me too?

yet no answer, the cold shoulder continues

and you swear you don't project that... but to me, you do

I just want to know

do you really wish for me to hate you?

do you really wish for me to dislike you?

because it is so much easier to get over someone

that way...isn't it? Maybe for you, love.

But for me, I wasn't made that way... no not that way at all.

and you know this - you know this very well.

You are hurt, darling and I feel it

and I am sorry I have disappointed you. You won't talk about it.

Why won't you accept me

as you say you accept others for all that they are?

I wish to understand, I do.

Yet, we continue to hide behind a false bravado.

Investment Time (Poem)

what do I do when things get crazy?

what do I do when outcomes are too strong?

like coffee brewed twice days'

you take a sip of life

and reel from the taste of your own ways.

You forgive so well, forget some past

remember there is joy to be had

that there is good is all to certain degrees,

lately some of us are so drawn to show, the bad.

How do I feel to be naked on the page?

when I strip myself and reveal all that  I am, to you?

Do you take advantage of my good nature?

or do you put our knowing each other to some investment,

to some potential future? a friendship?

Tell me how, you really feel

or you wish to remained clothed with baggage

in heart... I get that.

How do you expect a given dividend in return,

when your wallet of uncertainty

is all ready... fat.

What am I do with my life in months to come?

when I can only live, one moment at a time.

Tired so tired of being strong

I wish the ride of life would stop

this rhyme.

The time to recover from you

now, is all mine.

In each other's Dream (Poem)

 Writing you

I'm having a lovely glass of cream sherry

looking over what you wrote and the lily

I, close my eyes
take a sip and imagine
tasting those sweet heavenly lips 

 

that are in my dreams... my thoughts
that pound my heart
and soothe my soul.
My only wish
is that as you read this
you rub your fingers
over your lips
close your eyes
and imagine my kiss
touches you
moves you...
Now, take me with you
in your dreams.