It has been a lonely road

 

It has been a lonely road. But I knew I had to take it. Part of me said, “ I must do this on my own, I need to feel I personally achieved this.” That was several careers ago. I have learned to survive, with little or no help from no one. What I have accomplished is simply this: Survive.

    I have always said to myself, if I wish to be in this world to work, I need to do something fun. The majority of my working world has been that, fun. Why should I be tied down to do things I don’t want to do… well I don’t. But hear many complaints of people who do and that’s their problem, not mine. I don’t waste my time with people who can do something about their situation., especially in regards to what they want to do.

    Hmmm. That’s seems to be a wise, yet stupid question one would ask a stranger
Just meeting online…what do you want to do? This can be either most  inquiring as to why  pry if I don’t know myself, as many here can tell you. But some of us know and readily answer the question because the answer is some achievement. Perhaps it is an achievement so long overdue. Then again, it could be the answer of the moment. To me the answer of the moment captures my Now existence which only I can change. Though how many of us don’t take the will to change our present situation which leaves to drama and complaints. UGH!

    I say if you don’t know what you are going to do with your life, it’s ok by me, because you really don’t. And do we really want to answer truthfully or make up something to satisfy us and the person asking the question.
As aforementioned, the road we take to do what we truly want to do with our lives comes from within and only with time it will reveal itself.

    I knew I wanted to be a writer, so this dream came into fruition at 40, 40? Are you crazy! I’m only 25 and I know what I want. Well good for you and hope your life’s journey is filled with the rewards of your achievements. As for me, a few books self-published, a published writer may put down a self-publisher because of no agent, no backing, no promotion and no line ups for interviews nor reviews of a self-publishers’ work. Its sad to be compared liked that but that crap does happen. I have to do everything to promote, make newsworthy of my work, etc. But at least I can say, I did this all on my own and it was worth all the blood and sweat.

    So if you are doing what you love with all the blood and sweat involved - hooray for you. If you are still wondering, ask yourself if you believe in your dreams? Do you?  Sometimes we have to self -sacrifice ourselves from personal relationships to accomplish things personal in our lives to make us the individuals that we truly are. Some of us achieve well with a mate cheering us on. Whatever your life takes you… go for it. As they say, ’we only go around once in this lifetime’. And what a lifetime it is as you look back. I have no regrets and not wish do repeat and do things differently… I’m too tired and to me, it wouldn’t be worth it to come so far still surviving in the living and having to start all over again from scratch.

    Though that is where I am now. A writer starting over in the working world because health circumstances and being a caregiver as taken part of what makes me alive is on hold. But I write to say how I feel. Not to complain, but to tell you the challenges you may face in your quest to do what you want can take several detours. Not knowing the outcome can be overwhelming. Though know in your heart to strive to do your best and to strive to do your best. In times when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and all is dark, do you find strength within to continue with your ’gut’ instincts? Some of us do, some of us just give up, And we all have our reasons.

    For me to express myself on the page means I am alive to tell all I have been through. It may help, it may not help someone who is weak in strength of sheer will to continue. It is up to you what you want to do with your life. I wish you peace and hopefully a pleasant life’s journey and it’s ok if you don’t know. Just be kind and open to all possible opportunities that await you… even if the opportunities are not received with open arms. Yes, it has been a lonely road.
I love you,
K’